Glacier & Grizzlies

Glacier National Park, MT

“Really? You’re turning back because you’re scared?”

I was .3 miles into my first solo hike in grizzly country.

I was also visibly shaking with fear.

I had almost turned around about 4 other times but this time, I was serious.

It had easily been the longest .3 miles of my life.

Every twig snapping and bush rustling was a terrifying, vicious bear who wanted to eat me. (Spoiler: I saw zero).

There was no way I was going to make it out of this alive.

They tell you to make noise when you’re hiking, so my out-loud commentary to myself so far went as follows:

“Why do I like doing this again??”

“Oh my g– oh, that’s a tree.”

“Why can’t I be passionate about other things instead, like puzzles?”

“I’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscared.”

“Just kill me quick, that’s all I ask.”

“Wow, so much yarrow! At least if I get mauled I can pack my wounds and stop the bleeding.”

Yeah. That’s where I was at. Eyes wide, limbs trembling, head on a swivel, rapid breathing. Get me out of here.

One of the biggest reasons I wanted to turn back was simply to get these feelings to stop.

So much discomfort.

So much easier to just succumb to the fear.

That’s how we operate as humans, right?

The only reason I didn’t turn around?

That voice. Mats, of course, calling me out on being scared.

We talked alot about fear together and in that moment those conversations flashed through my mind.

“How can you surf when there’s sharks in there?!” I asked, incredulously, as I so often was during his stories. He shrugged and explained that he always made it a point to do the things that scared him. He WAS scared of shark encounters. He WAS scared of rock climbing giant mountains. But he still did those things, frequently, until he at least mostly conquered those fears. In fact, it made him want to do them even more. He refused to let fear win. He refused to let it stop him from living. That’s the man he was. And those are the things he’d say that had me stare at him in complete awe and disbelief.

So with Mats in my ear and feeling slightly attacked and pouty, I sighed heavily, “fine. I’m going, ” and toddler-stomped away, bear spray in hand.

I’m so glad I did.

Another mile later I’d come to realize that the thing about fear is that 9 times out of 10 you’re just scared because you haven’t done the thing before, or enough. We’re always afraid of the unfamiliar. Our brains are wired that way. It’s a silly thing to allow ourselves to be held back by that. Imagine never doing something you REALLY wanted to do just because you were too afraid of the possibility of what could/couldn’t happen. The situation hasn’t even had a chance to make it into reality yet because you’re so stuck in your head about it, creating fake scenarios & feeding that fear. Kinda kicks you in the ass doesn’t it? 

Additionally, so much of fear comes from not knowing how you’d deal with something if it were to actually occur. So, make a plan. Whenever you start getting scared, go over that plan in your head. I did this many times on that hike and it made all the difference. 

Needless to say, the walk back was 10x more confident than the walk in.

And obviously, I didn’t die.

I’m gonna sum this up as easily as I can.

If you’re afraid to hike and camp alone in nature, here’s what you do..

You hike and camp alone in nature.

It’s the only way.

With that said, knowledge is power. Read, research, study, learn all the things so you can be prepared and smart about it. 

But, go. 

Even as you’re shaking with fear. 

Even as your brain is convincing you you’re somehow going to die.

Don’t let it win.

You'll be proud that you didn't.

With love,

Me, Mats, & Duke